Cyclists...

Yup, I'm about to hate on cyclists. Now, I will give worldwide bicyclists props for going green and preventing addtional fuel emmisions(here's lookin' at you, China) but, I've got some major bones to pick with the ones who are immediately in my vacinity...

I.hate.cyclists.  As I was walking home from class on Thursday, I saw this stupid kid riding his bike down Frederick...with his hands in his pockets, smoothly gliding down next to HoPie.  Tell me, hippie looking sir with your stragly blonde hair and chocolate brown courderoy suit jacket, am I supposed to be impressed by your impeccable sense of balance? No. You look like a douche.  Put your hands on the handlebars and stear. Are your hands cold? Buy some gloves. What the heck are you going to do if a squirrel suddenly jumps in your path, death look in his eyes, and says, "hit me, I dare you."?  Now, as someone who likes to be green, obviously this is a terrible thought for you.  So put your hands down and be ready for that moment, because before you know it, I'm going to start throwing squirrels into the street everywhere.

Also, cyclists who bike on the street: you are even more hated than said hippie cyclist above.  Get.Out.Of. My.WAY.  Listen, you gotta learn either to slow down and get over so I can pass your ass, or speed up enough so I don't catch you.  Pick one and do it.  Why do you have to hang around riiiiight next to my front bumper.  I know you know I'm there.  Your skinny little legs in your sperm-killing tight spandex shorts don't scare me.  In case you forgot, I'm the one driving the two-ton death machine.  Move it or lose it, pal.

Finally, the unicyclists on Millersville's campus who come out of the woodwork as soon as the weather warms up.  You are ridiculous.  If you can't keep your balance, you shouldn't be riding a unicycle.  Aka, get away from me, I don't want you falling on me because it seems like that's bound to happen everytime youre around.  Come back when you've mastered your craft a little more.  Kthanks.