That Bitch...

So, in accordance to this blog, I like to use the word "bitch" as a title for myself.  It's not derrogatory, but the truth about where i stand when i write this blog.  So it kills me to give my title to another girl, who was in fact being a traditional bitch, but there's nothing short of the c-word that i could use to call her.  Granted, I don't mind the word, but even my blogger fans probably aren't ready to see it on here...so here goes...

Someone, PLEASE, tell me what is with people who take other people's seats in a class?? Everyone knows the unstated rules:  you have the first day of class (maybe the second at the latest) to claim your seat. This is college.  We are all big enough to be responsible and know where we sit in a class room.  After those first two days of class, that's it.  That's your seat whether you like it or not.  If you move, you throw off at least three other people's seating arrangement and you will spend the rest of class getting nasty glares from those you screwed over.  Changing seats mid semester is possibly the easiest way to get total strangers to hate you in a class.

So this girl in my nursing class usually sits right in front of my best friend, who sits beside me.  Well, all of a sudden about two weeks ago, she decided she wanted to sit next to me, leaving no room for my friend. BITCH, THATS NOT YOUR SEAT, MOVE YOUR ASS.  Why!? You know you never sit next to me.  It's been six week with you in the same seat, now is NOT an okay time to decide you wanna switch.  I don't care if you normally sit the third seat back and now a seat is missing so you still wanna sit in the THIRD seat even though it's not the normal locale of your chair.  Stop looking at the numbers and start looking at the location.   You.Do.Not.Sit.Next.To.Me.  In fact, i don't want you to sit next to me because you're annoying and you whine.  You mess up my entire mood for the class.  So go back to your original seat and GET AWAY FROM ME.

Cyclists...

Yup, I'm about to hate on cyclists. Now, I will give worldwide bicyclists props for going green and preventing addtional fuel emmisions(here's lookin' at you, China) but, I've got some major bones to pick with the ones who are immediately in my vacinity...

I.hate.cyclists.  As I was walking home from class on Thursday, I saw this stupid kid riding his bike down Frederick...with his hands in his pockets, smoothly gliding down next to HoPie.  Tell me, hippie looking sir with your stragly blonde hair and chocolate brown courderoy suit jacket, am I supposed to be impressed by your impeccable sense of balance? No. You look like a douche.  Put your hands on the handlebars and stear. Are your hands cold? Buy some gloves. What the heck are you going to do if a squirrel suddenly jumps in your path, death look in his eyes, and says, "hit me, I dare you."?  Now, as someone who likes to be green, obviously this is a terrible thought for you.  So put your hands down and be ready for that moment, because before you know it, I'm going to start throwing squirrels into the street everywhere.

Also, cyclists who bike on the street: you are even more hated than said hippie cyclist above.  Get.Out.Of. My.WAY.  Listen, you gotta learn either to slow down and get over so I can pass your ass, or speed up enough so I don't catch you.  Pick one and do it.  Why do you have to hang around riiiiight next to my front bumper.  I know you know I'm there.  Your skinny little legs in your sperm-killing tight spandex shorts don't scare me.  In case you forgot, I'm the one driving the two-ton death machine.  Move it or lose it, pal.

Finally, the unicyclists on Millersville's campus who come out of the woodwork as soon as the weather warms up.  You are ridiculous.  If you can't keep your balance, you shouldn't be riding a unicycle.  Aka, get away from me, I don't want you falling on me because it seems like that's bound to happen everytime youre around.  Come back when you've mastered your craft a little more.  Kthanks.

Facebook...

Yeah, that's right.  My inspiration for the day is that stupid social networking site that we're all so addicted to, you'd think that we never got out of the house and had any real friends.  Before I get into my specified rant, let me just say: Why the hell are we so addicted to this shit?  How is Mark Zuckerberg doing this?! Is it really the fact that we're so nosy as a society that we NEED know what's going on in our friends lives at all times?  Or have we become a society of unconfident people who think that if someone doesn't know we exist at all times, even if it's just on the internet world, our lives have no meaning? Anyway, that's the normal worn-out bitching about Facebook, so here's what I'm actually interesting it bitching about today:

Bitches.On.Facebook.  And when I say bitches, I don't mean nasty girls who think they're the shit (though those girls make my face want to melt off.  Literally. My face.  It grows a personality and tries to run away to avoid looking at their shit.) In this case, bitches apply to males and females and refers to those people who only put up meloncholy statuses. WHY?! I don't wanna read about your shitty day, because, in fact, I had an awesome day and you're ruining my mood.  We all KNOW that you're just doing it to get sympathy, and yet, we, as the respective Facebook friends of said bitches, play into it. Why, people? Why do you feed into this?  What I've noticed lately is that whenever I post a happy status, or something positive, I rarely get a lot of comments or "likes".  But, as soon as I posted last week that I got a parking ticket, my shit blew up.  This is not a rare occurrance.  Whenever I post something negative or bitchy (yes, I do commit this crime.  Yes, I'm a hypocrite.  Suck it up.) people jump to 'console' me or comment. 

I feel like this is a trend.  People are totally only posting shitty statuses so others comment and they feel loved.  Bitches, gain some self confidence and quit your yakking.  Get off your Facebook, go work out or eat a gallon of fudge ripple ice cream, whatever floats your boat and shuts your mouth up.

Inspiration...

This video  is pretty much the inspiration for my blog. It's hilarious.  Originally viewed on Tosh.0 (which now that I think about it, I totally missed last night...something I severely hate) but can be found easily on YouTube by searching "Things I Hate".

I haven't left the house yet today, but am about to, so hopefully I'll come across something inspirational for later.

Hope you love it, bitches.

Intro

Helllllloooo world,

Welcome to my offensive, off the cuff, taking no shit from anyone blog.  I'll warn you right now: any and all posts will probably contain offensive language.  But hey, I don't give a damn because I sure hate people who hate on people who use foul language.  As one great Millersville professor once said (paraphrased): "Cursing is actually a good thing.  It's our bodies defense against beating the shit out of people who piss us off". 

Anywho, when trying to think of a theme for this blog, I was surely stuck.  Any blogs I've ever seen are from people who generally just write about how their day went: "I brushed my teeth, I went to work, I sat on the couch like a bum watching TV." GREAT. I really don't give two shits about your day.  So, since people take advantage of blogs to secretly bitch about their days while hiding that fact behind the fascade of "expressing themselves", I figured I'd beat them to the punchline and outright bitch about things that piss me off.  That way, we'll all avoid the bullshit and hopefully add some entertainment in along the way. 

I hope to be some relief for you so you'll see that at least one other person puts up with everyone's bullshit just like you do :)